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Top 5 Mistakes Women Make In Bed
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Do you make these classic, bedroom errors?
My article Top 5 Mistakes Men Make in Bed received a lot of attention. Most of the comments (or complaints) came from men. Some men found the article helpful, others reacted defensively and some men were simply hostile and rude.
But the most common comment came in the form of "What about the women?" A lot of men felt picked on and asked that I give equal time to men's complaints about women. Fair enough. So, I did an informal query among a handful of men to learn the top five mistakes women make in bed and the results are below. But, before I give you the list, I have a few disclaimers.
First, please note I am a woman and not a man. I therefore went to men for their input. This list represents the most common complaints made and does not represent every man's experience nor is this list the result of a sound empirical research study. Second, as with my first article, the information is offered with the intent to stimulate communication between partners, not to create any shame, wrong-doing or blame. Our sexuality is complex. And just as any relationship requires on-going inquiry, communication, negotiation and attention, so does your intimate sexual relationship.
Finally, people attach a lot of things to their sexuality — power, attractiveness, acceptance, lovability, control, etc. —exploring your sexuality and communicating with your partner about sex can be both rewarding and risky. My hope is that both this and my previous article can help in this endeavor so everyone can have a more satisfying and fulfilling sexual relationship.
So, ladies, here are the top five mistakes women make in bed:
1. Expecting your lover to read your mind. Men are not mind readers and each woman can vary in terms of what pleases her and helps her reach orgasm. Let your partner know how he can please you. Be specific and concrete. Show him. Gentle but clear direction will be greatly appreciated. Your man wants to please you. You just need to tell him how.
2. Being a passive partner. This shows up in a number of ways (including number one above, for that matter). Men don't necessarily want to have to run the show all the time. Be willing to initiate sex — men like to be seduced as well. Be willing to try new things. No one wants to have the same meal for dinner night after night after night. Learn to get comfortable being out of your comfort zone — you just might discover new pleasures and your partner will love you all the more for it.
3. Expecting your lover to perform on demand — anytime, anywhere. Contrary to what some men will have you believe, men do not have an instant "on" switch for sex. Men are entitled to be tired, stressed, not in the mood or interested in just cuddling, just as women are.
Respect the fact that just because you want sex doesn't mean your lover is wanting and willing to perform on demand. However, if you want to try and get him in the mood … remember that foreplay and seduction works the same way for him as it does for you. Slow, subtle, not so subtle, creative and varied approaches are just as important for men as they are for women. It is important to be sensitive to the moods and needs of your partner. Know when to back off and respect his "No, thank you" and learn how your man likes to be touched and stimulated before, during and after sex.
4. Talking during and after sex. Not that kind of talk, if you know what I mean. Let's face it ladies, we know how to talk and we know when we have a captive audience. But I was surprised to find out from men how many women use sexual encounters as the time to go over needs, complaints, schedules, problems, etc. with their mates.
The bottom line? Stop it. Turn off any non-sexy talk. This is the time to connect with your partner in tactile ways. Get out of your head and into your body and let your partner do the same. The same goes for post-coital time. It is common for men to drift off into sleep after they've had an orgasm. Their bodies are designed to do just that. Don't take it personally if your man is more inclined to sleep and less inclined to talk after sex. Give him some time to rest and recover without hassle. I promise, your man will quickly reconnect with more love and attention.
5. Not taking care of your hygiene. This one was a hard one for me to include but in all honesty, a lot of men have this complaint. So here's my suggestion on this one. Simply be aware of your overall health and hygiene. If you know you are going on a hot date with your honey, shower, shave and lotion yourself up with your favorite body lotion. Be aware of any infections and take good care of your health. Of course, the same goes for the men out there. Let's be responsible partners for each other when it comes to disease, cleanliness, birth control and health.
If you or someone you know is struggling with creating a strong and intimate relationship, please reach out and contact me. I am here to provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don't need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve.
As always, I'm here to support you in creating strong and powerful relationships.
My article Top 5 Mistakes Men Make in Bed received a lot of attention. Most of the comments (or complaints) came from men. Some men found the article helpful, others reacted defensively and some men were simply hostile and rude.
But the most common comment came in the form of "What about the women?" A lot of men felt picked on and asked that I give equal time to men's complaints about women. Fair enough. So, I did an informal query among a handful of men to learn the top five mistakes women make in bed and the results are below. But, before I give you the list, I have a few disclaimers.
First, please note I am a woman and not a man. I therefore went to men for their input. This list represents the most common complaints made and does not represent every man's experience nor is this list the result of a sound empirical research study. Second, as with my first article, the information is offered with the intent to stimulate communication between partners, not to create any shame, wrong-doing or blame. Our sexuality is complex. And just as any relationship requires on-going inquiry, communication, negotiation and attention, so does your intimate sexual relationship.
Finally, people attach a lot of things to their sexuality — power, attractiveness, acceptance, lovability, control, etc. —exploring your sexuality and communicating with your partner about sex can be both rewarding and risky. My hope is that both this and my previous article can help in this endeavor so everyone can have a more satisfying and fulfilling sexual relationship.
So, ladies, here are the top five mistakes women make in bed:
1. Expecting your lover to read your mind. Men are not mind readers and each woman can vary in terms of what pleases her and helps her reach orgasm. Let your partner know how he can please you. Be specific and concrete. Show him. Gentle but clear direction will be greatly appreciated. Your man wants to please you. You just need to tell him how.
2. Being a passive partner. This shows up in a number of ways (including number one above, for that matter). Men don't necessarily want to have to run the show all the time. Be willing to initiate sex — men like to be seduced as well. Be willing to try new things. No one wants to have the same meal for dinner night after night after night. Learn to get comfortable being out of your comfort zone — you just might discover new pleasures and your partner will love you all the more for it.
3. Expecting your lover to perform on demand — anytime, anywhere. Contrary to what some men will have you believe, men do not have an instant "on" switch for sex. Men are entitled to be tired, stressed, not in the mood or interested in just cuddling, just as women are.
Respect the fact that just because you want sex doesn't mean your lover is wanting and willing to perform on demand. However, if you want to try and get him in the mood … remember that foreplay and seduction works the same way for him as it does for you. Slow, subtle, not so subtle, creative and varied approaches are just as important for men as they are for women. It is important to be sensitive to the moods and needs of your partner. Know when to back off and respect his "No, thank you" and learn how your man likes to be touched and stimulated before, during and after sex.
4. Talking during and after sex. Not that kind of talk, if you know what I mean. Let's face it ladies, we know how to talk and we know when we have a captive audience. But I was surprised to find out from men how many women use sexual encounters as the time to go over needs, complaints, schedules, problems, etc. with their mates.
The bottom line? Stop it. Turn off any non-sexy talk. This is the time to connect with your partner in tactile ways. Get out of your head and into your body and let your partner do the same. The same goes for post-coital time. It is common for men to drift off into sleep after they've had an orgasm. Their bodies are designed to do just that. Don't take it personally if your man is more inclined to sleep and less inclined to talk after sex. Give him some time to rest and recover without hassle. I promise, your man will quickly reconnect with more love and attention.
5. Not taking care of your hygiene. This one was a hard one for me to include but in all honesty, a lot of men have this complaint. So here's my suggestion on this one. Simply be aware of your overall health and hygiene. If you know you are going on a hot date with your honey, shower, shave and lotion yourself up with your favorite body lotion. Be aware of any infections and take good care of your health. Of course, the same goes for the men out there. Let's be responsible partners for each other when it comes to disease, cleanliness, birth control and health.
If you or someone you know is struggling with creating a strong and intimate relationship, please reach out and contact me. I am here to provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don't need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve.
As always, I'm here to support you in creating strong and powerful relationships.
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