IS ROMANCE NECESSARY IN A RELATIONSHIP? CHECK OUT HERE

In order to meet success, long-term relationships do take work. Many couples share in the sense that  their relationships lack fulfillment after a period of time. While turmoil in any relationship is part of the course, long-term feelings of neglect or a lack of desire are not.

The secret to keeping love alive is in putting forth the effort that you did when love was new.  

Indeed, partners often wonder why their relationships fail, where those loving feelings have gone, or why they feel under-appreciated by their partners. This generally happens after the “honeymoon period”.  In some cases, couples may not experience this sense of loss for years.  But what about the couples that never seem discontented, whose displays of admiration for one another are apparent even after decades of marriage.  Indeed, they are doing something right.  Happily married couples with a long history together, have managed to preserve some of the elements that were present while they were in the early stages of courtship.

Consider the time when you and your current partner were dating, before things got serious. Though you had a lot of fun, you were probably putting in a great deal of effort to keep them interested. What were those things you did differently, and how does the past compare with the present?

Is romance necessary in a relationship?

Romance is one of the most crucial elements to happiness in relationships. Many partners do not really know what romance is or how to implement it.  Understanding why romance is so crucial is a necessary first step to those interested in rekindling love. But what are the little things you did to get his attention, to keep him interested, to win him over?  We’d be willing to bet those things are no longer happening.  We often do not realize how much work we were putting in in the beginning, nor do we notice our decreased effort, and how that can lead to an emotional breakdown and stagnancy.

So what is romance and why is it important in a relationship?

Generally, romance includes one or more of the following:

1. Small actions that convey affection, adoration, thoughtfulness, and love
2. Activities or actions of novelty-actions executed for no other purpose than to enhance feelings of joy and contentedness
3. Class – activities or events that add a touch of high living.
4. Any actions which bring a couple closer or show thoughtfulness and adoration

Romance needs to be a normal and necessary part of our lives. And the truth is there are no secrets to romance – you need to know what works for your partner; what makes them happy and apply them as often as you can to sweeten your relationship. Sustaining a marriage demands work, cooperation, and commitment. A couple is already accustomed to these things but marriage does not have to be all about ‘hard work’. You are in a marriage because, at the bottom line, you love and cherish your partner.

 When you decide to use romance to enhance your marriage, you decide to use it as a tool to show that you care, that your marriage and partner are worth the effort. These small acts collectively will make your relationship stronger, healthier and make it last longer.   

How to rekindle or add romance in a relationship

Creating romance in a relationship becomes easy when you become mindful of the below:

Bonding

Created through experiences that bring partners closer. This can be brought about through acts of affection, gift-giving, reminiscing, meaningful conversation, laughter, and intimacy.

Fun

Romance should be a joyful experience; and is often reflected through enjoyable activities such as going to the movies, the carnival, attending parties together, or  playing games.

Humor

Humor is a major element to most romance.  Couples with a good sense of humor will enjoy cheesy adages, funny greeting cards, comics, and laughing at the absurd.

Nostalgia

Being together a long time, couples are able to share memories by reflecting on the past. Going through old photos or revisiting past hang-out spots can bring back old feelings and thus, enhance bonds.

Intimacy

Introducing new elements into your sex life, or simply engaging in sexual activities more often, will certainly increase romance.  Although romance may lead to intimacy, intimacy and romance can fuel one another.

Adventure

Spontaneity – out of the ordinary activities that promote a sense of adventure, such as hiking in the woods together, getting “lost” on a drive, or doing something taboo- like visiting an adult book store- are great ways to create romance through adventure.

Respect

Romancing your lover should convey respect and reciprocity.

Appreciation

Romance invites appreciation, likewise, appreciation will create the impetus to initiate romantic activities with your partner.

Passion

Involves strong feelings of enthusiasm, and joy, and powerful or compelling feelings of love and desiring.

Romance feeds the elements that comprise a loving relationship. Without it, desire and adoration for one another will almost assuredly fade, rendering the relationship dull and mundane.  Understanding the importance of practicing romance in your relationships will add spark to your love life, prolong feelings of connectedness & result in your ultimate happiness for years to come.

For more of this visit Marriage.com

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MAMBO MUHIMU KWA VIJANA WENZANGU.!

Na Kdmula

Wengi itakuwa bado miaka miwili, mitatu au minne kabla ya kutimiza miaka 30. 

Natambua kuwa kuna waliokwisha fikisha na kuna uwezekano kuna walio nyuma kidogo.

Kama katika umri tulionao sasa kuna mtu anakuambia wewe bado ni mdogo/mtoto, basi huyo mtu hakupendi na anakulemaza kiakili. Kua! Acha utoto! Mambo yafuatayo kwa vigezo vya kibinadamu mwenye akili timamu, mtu mwerevu lazima uwe ushayatimiza.

1) Kuweka misingi ya kifamilia:

Katika umri huo unatakiwa uwe umeoa, umechumbia au uko katika uhusiano wenye kueleweka unaelekea kwenye kujenga familia. Kama katika umri huu bado unabadilisha wanawake na kudandia vicheche, basi sahau kuwa na familia imara. Mambo yafuatayo yatakuwa yanakunyemelea;
– Kuoa/kuolewa msichana/mvulana mdogo sana ambaye atakuona unamzeesha
– Kuoa /kuolewa chapchap bila kuwaza
-Kuokoteza magonjwa ya hatari
– Kunogewa na usela na kusahau kuoa/kuolewa

2)Kujitegemea kiuchumi:

Hapa simaanishi kufanya kazi na kupata mshahara pekee, la hasha! Hapa nalenga wale watoto wa mama ambao pamoja na kuwa wana kazi na mishahara, bado wanalalama mishahara haitoshi na kukimbilia kuomba hela nyumbani wanapoishiwa mara kwa mara. Wale ambao bado wanakaa nyumbani hii inawahusu pia. Pia wale wanaotumia 100% ya mishahara kununua vitu vinavyoisha (consumption) wakingoja wapate hela nyingi au wazazi, ndugu na jamaa wawasaidie kwenye uwekezaji. Africa tunachelewa sana kwenye hii sector.

3) Kuwa na kitega uchumi:

Kama unadhani mshahara wako wa milioni kadhaa ni mwingi sana, ngoja augue mtu wa karibu au wewe mwenyewe halafu daktari akuambie mgonjwa wako/wewe ana/unatakiwa ape/upelekwe nje ya nchi kwa matibabu zaidi wakati huna bima ya afya inayolipia hilo ndo utajijua kama mshahara wako heshima yake inaishia samaki samaki au inavuka border. Kitega uchumi si lazima uwe na mkampuni mkubwa, la hasha! Ila uwe na kitu cha kueleweka na chenye malengo ya kukua kuwa kitu cha maana. Kwa wale wagumu kuelewa, UNATAKIWA UWE NA PATO LA PEMBENI NJE YA MSHAHARA.

4) Makazi:

Uwe hata na kiwanja hapo Bunju Arif! Huezi kunywa bia kila weekend halafu wenzio wakiongelea issues za nyumba/viwanja/mashamba yao unakimbilia kubadilisha mada (Eti Huyu LVG wamuondoe kabisa anaharibu timu). Kumbe unazuga kupotezea story za viwanja/nyumba.

5)Uwe na professional qualification

: ACCA,CPA,CFA,CSIA,CPB, LAW SCHOOL ETC wale wa procurement wana ya kwao n.k. Ikifika huu umri kama CPA imekataa, tafuta hata mitihani za marketing upige, CPA sio issue zako. Lazima uwe na defined career (Kama hukubahatika kwenda kidato kingi, uwe na namna ya halali na ya kudumu ya kukupatia kipato). Umri huu kama huna utaalam katika fani yako, jiandae kuwa frustrated ofisini. Madogo wanasoma jamaa angu! Halafu wako tayari kupewa salary ndogo wapige kazi kuliko wewe.. So take care!

6) Uwe ushaamua ka hicho kitambi unakiondoa au unakilea:

Hapa sichekeshi! Kitambi kina madhara mengi. Suruali haikai vizuri, UTAPIGIWA, Kisukari, pressure n.k. Ukikinyamazia muda huu jua kitakuwa kishakomaa na majukumu yatakuwa mlima. Ukikiachia kijiamulie, kitakuganda kama “roba ya mbao” till death does you apart! Kama unakipenda endelea nacho, kama hukipendi uwe ushaweka program ya kukiondoa.

7)Uwezo wa kusaidia wanaokutegemea:

Kama we ni wa kishua, hapa hapakuhusu. Wewe ambaye si wa kishua, wazazi walikuwa na mategemeo flani walipokuwa wanakusomesha. Kama umefika miaka 30 hujaanza kuyatimiza mategemeo yao bila sababu ya msingi, jua watakuwa washakata tamaa na wewe.

8) Uwe na busara.

Kuwa mtu wa kufikiri kabla ya kutenda. Tengeneza haiba nzuri na ya kuheshimika kwa wanaokuzunguka. Kama huna busara hadi umri huu basi we sahau suala la busara ukiwa hai.. Labda utakutana nayo akhera.!

9) Savings:

Hapa nimeweka kizungu kuonyesha msisitizo. Kila mtu ana kipato chake. Ila formula ni kwamba angalau uwe ushahifadhi fedha sawa na mishahara yako ya mwaka na nusu gross of Tax kwa kipindi hicho. Kwa wale wagumu kuelewa namaanisha Ukiacha kazi au kusimamishwa kazi, uwe na uwezo wa kukaa mwaka na nusu bila kuingiza kitu chochote lakini uendelee kuishi maisha yale yale.

10) Umjue Mungu:

Nimeliweka hili mwisho si kwamba ni la mwisho kwa umuhimu, La hasha! Ni ili ulikumbuke zaidi. Mjue Mungu, mpende na umuogope. Nenda ibadani, soma neno lake na umuombe. Uwe na desturi ya kusali nyumbani kwako angalau kila unapoamka na wakati wa kulala. Kama humuogopi Mungu katika umri huu, basi wewe kwenda Mbinguni ni ngumu kuliko ngamia kupenya tundu la sindani (hata kama ni masikini).

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HATUA ZA KUKABILIANA NA UPWEKE & HUZUNI KUPITA KIASI BAADA YA MAHUSIANO KUVUNJIKA

Mahusiano kuvunjika ni jambo la kawaida kwa karne hii ya 21 kwa sababu haijalishi utakuwa na moyo wa upendo,huruma,kujali na unyenyekevu bado tabia na maamuzi ya mwenza wako yapo nje ya uwezo wako na endapo mwenza wako ameamua kuvunja mahusiano hakuna njia au mbinu ambayo unaweza kutumia kuzuia hilo.

Mahusiano yako na mwenza wako huwa yenye kugusa hisia kali sana za upendo,huruma,

Unapokuwa unampenda sana mwenza wako utawekeza pesa nyingi,muda,hisia, matumaini na mipango ya maisha yako ya baadaye.

Na endapo mahusiano yatavunjika ile hali ya upendo,huruma,kujali, unyenyekevu hugeuka kuwa chuki, wivu kupita kiasi, uchungu moyoni,hasira kupita kiasi,hisia za kisasi,upweke, kujichukia, kutamani kumdhuru mwenza wako na kumuombea mabaya.

Kitendo cha kutarajia mwenza wako kurejesha mahusiano kama zamani huku mwenza wako hayupo tayari kuendelea na mahusiano husababisha maumivu makali sana moyoni,upweke kupita kiasi,huzuni,hasira, kuchanganyikiwa, tumbo kuvurugika,moyo kwenda mbio na kizunguzungu.

Badala ya kuanza kumlaumu mwenza wako kwa màumivu ambayo unapitia baada ya  mahusiano kuvunjika unatakiwa kukubaliana na hali halisi kwamba mahusiano yamevunjika tayari na huyo hakuwa mtu sahihi katika maisha yako.

Hakuna mtu anayeweza kuziumiza hisia zako kama yule ambaye kuna kitu unatarajia kutoka kwake ili uwe na furaha.

Kama kuna kitu unakitaka kwa nguvu zote  kutoka kwa mtu yeyote lazima utakuwa na hasira,huzuni, maumivu makali sana moyoni juu ya tabia ya mtu huyo.

VIFUATAVYO NI VIASHIRIA VYA MAHUSIANO KUVUNJIKA

Mahusiano kuvunjika huwa kuna viashiria vyake ambavyo watu wengi huwa wanapuuza sana mpaka baadaye ndio huanza kulia.

1.MAWASILIANO KUPUNGUA

Kiashiria cha kwanza kwamba mahusiano yanakwenda kuvunjika ni mawasiliano kukosekana kabisa au kupungua .

Utagundua hili kwa kuona ni wewe pekee ambaye unapiga simu mfululizo, kutuma sms mfululizo ukiacha kuanzisha mawasiliano mwenzako hakutafuti na ukiuliza chochote kuhusu ukimya wake hajibu sms wala simu hapokei.

Kukosekana mawasiliano husababisha ugomvi wa mara kwa mara,kupeana vitisho,kupeana tuhuma za usaliti,kutishia kuvunja mahusiano lakini huwezi kufanya hivyo.

Mawasiliano yanapungua na hata ukifanya mawasiliano naye unabaki na hasira baada ya mazungumzo badala ya furaha.

2.UGOMVI WA MARA KWA MARA

Ugomvi wa mara kwa mara huwa kiashiria cha mahusiano kuvunjika hapa utaona kwamba kama mwenza wako akiwa mbali unakuwa na furaha na akiwa karibu yako unapata hasira sana, unatamani kupigana naye,unapata msukumo wa kumfokea, kumtukana,kumuombea mabaya.

Ugomvi unaweza kusababishwa na matukio ya usaliti wa mara kwa mara, kupoteza hisia za mapenzi juu yake, anaweza kuwa na tabia zenye maudhi ambazo mara kwa mara unamuonya lakini anarudia tabia zilezile huenda ni ulevi kupindukia,wizi,kutumia pesa nyingi sana ndani ya muda mfupi,kutumia pesa zako bila kukupa taarifa, kutukana wazazi au ndugu zako mara kwa mara,kukuita majina ya aibu, haonyeshi ushirikiano wowote kwako,anakosa shukurani kwako, anakumbusha makosa ya zamani mara kwa mara, anachelewa kurudi nyumbani kwa makusudi mara kwa mara,anasikiliza sana maneno ya watu kutoka nje ,anakuwa na tabia tofauti tofauti kila siku,anakuwa na hasira kupita kiasi kwa vitu vidogo vidogo.

3.KUKUMBUKA MABAYA YAKE MENGI KULIKO MAZURI YAKE

Kama unakaa na kuvuta kumbukumbu za matukio mbalimbali yenye kuziumiza hisia zako unakuwa na orodha ndefu sana lakini huna kumbukumbu za mazuri yake.

Huna kumbukumbu lini alikwambia anakupenda,huna kumbukumbu za kukumbatiana,huna kumbukumbu za kushikwa mkono na kuongea nae kwa tabasamu usoni.

Zaidi kumbukumbu zako ni matukio kama kumfumania mara kwa mara,usaliti ,kutumia pesa zako nyingi sana bila kukupa taarifa, kusambaza taarifa za uongo na uzushi kila kona,kukuchafua kwa watu wa karibu,kuharibu mali zako,kuuza mali zako,kutishia kukuua au kukudhuru, kutukanwa,kufanywa kitu cha aibu,kukupiga, kukufokea, kuchelewa kurudi,kutoa ahadi hewa,huna kumbukumbu lini amekupa zawadi.

Ni kiashiria kwamba mahusiano yenu yanakwenda kuvunjika.

4.MAHUSIANO YENYE KUENDESHWA NA JUHUDI ZA MTU MMOJA

Kama mahusiano yako na mwenza wako unafanya kazi kubwa sana kuyaokoa ni wazi yapo njiani kuvunjika.

Utagundua hili kwa sababu unakuwa unampa ushauri kila siku namna ya kuendesha maisha yake,unataka kuingilia uhuru wake ili kuzuia asifanye makosa,unakuwa unajiweka karibu sana na ndugu zake ili wakupende lakini yeye hana mpango na ndugu zako,unakuwa na kiherehere mara kwa mara kutaka kumfurahisha lakini yeye hana mpango,unampa zawadi,unataka kumchukulia mkopo,unataka kumsaidia kukabiliana na matatizo yake yote lakini yeye kwako hafanyi hivyo, ghafla anakuwa mzigo kwako kila kitu anakutegemea wewe lakini yeye hana MSAADA wowote kwako.

Utajikuta ukipiga hesabu nini uapoteza endapo mkiachana huoni lakini huwezi kumuacha.

Utajikuta muda wote unakosa utulivu kama haonyeshi ushirikiano,utajikuta unamuona hana makosa wala mapungufu yoyote lakini wewe unajiona upo na makosa kila siku akiwa na hasira,akianza kununa,akikata mawasiliano unahisi chanzo ni wewe,akifanya makosa yeye unaomba msamaha wewe.

5.UNATUMIA FEDHA NYINGI SANA ILI KUMFURAHISHA

Kama unatumia pesa nyingi sana ili kumfurahisha mwenza wako lakini unabaki na hasira kupita kiasi,kinyongo,chuki, kisirisiri unaona mwenza wako amekuwa mzigo kwako.

Ni kiashiria cha mahusiano yenu yanakwenda kuvunjika.

Kama mwenza wako anaweza kutumia pesa zako nyingi sana bila kukupa taarifa wala haombi msamaha kwa kufanya hivyo zaidi anakuwa na hasira kupita kiasi,anakuwa mkali,anadai wewe ni mbinafsi kwa kukemea makosa yake ni kiashiria kwamba mahusiano yenu yanakwenda kuvunjika.

YAFUATAYO NI MÀUMIVU AMBAYO HUJITOKEZA BAADA YA MAHUSIANO KUVUNJIKA

Kama mahusiano yako na mwenza wako yamevunjika utaona mabadiliko yafuatayo mwilini

a.moyo kwenda mbio, kizunguzungu, kuchanganyikiwa, tumbo kuvurugika, kuumwa kichwa na mgongo, uchovu mwili mzima, kubanwa kifua, kutetemeka sana, miguu kuishiwa nguvu, kutokwa jasho bila joto, kuumia kooni,uchungu moyoni,hisia za kisasi,upweke kupita kiasi, kujichukia sana,kuanza kulia, kujifungia ndani kukwepa aibu na macho ya wengine.

b.Hofu ya kukosolewa, hofu ya kuachwa mpweke, hofu ya kitu kibaya kutokea ghafla, hofu ya kupata mshtuko wa moyo,hofu ya maisha Kuwa magumu sana,fikra kuvurugika,hisia za kudondoka ghafla,kushindwa kutuliza akili sehemu moja, kupoteza hisia kwenye vidole

c.Hofu ya kuonekana kituko, kupaniki ghafla, kuhisi unataka kufa ghafla, kichefuchefu, kukosa utulivu,huzuni kupita kiasi,kukata tamaa ya maisha,kuwa mkali kupita kiasi,kuanza kujitenga

d.kujilaumu , kujikosoa,kujuta sana, kujilaumu, kujichukia kupita kiasi,kukonda ghafla au kuongezeka uzito ghafla, kupoteza hamu ya kula au kula sana vyakula bila mpangilio,kukosa nguvu ya kutoka kitandani

e.kutamani kujiua,kuyachukia mapenzi, kupoteza hisia za mapenzi,hofu ya afya yako kuongezeka.

MADHARA YA MÀUMIVU MAKALI SANA MOYONI NI

Kama màumivu hayo yatazidi kuongezeka kwa kasi mwili wako utakuwa hatarini kupata magonjwa yafuatayo kisukari, madonda tumbo, uvimbe, shinikizo la damu, kupooza, kuugua mara kwa mara,

Changamoto zingine ni hedhi kuvurugika, ujauzito kuharibika,kifo cha ghafla au kujiua.

MAKOSA AMBAYO WATU WENGI HUFANYA MAHUSIANO YAKIVUNJIKA

a.Kupiga simu mfululizo, kutuma sms mfululizo,kutishia kujiua,kutishia kumdhalilisha mwenza wake wa zamani,kukata tamaa ya mapenzi

b.kutaka kujenga naye urafiki tabia hii husababisha upweke kupita kiasi kama haonyeshi ushirikiano wowote

c.Kuweka nyimbo za huzuni kwenye mitandao,kumpiga vijembe na mafumbo,kupost mwanamke au mwanaume mwengine ili kumfanya aone wivu

d.Kujisifia sana kwenye mitandao,kutaka kuonekana maisha yamekuwa mazuri sana baada ya mahusiano kuvunjika tabia hiyo huongeza upweke kupita kiasi na wivu kupita kiasi

e.Kuoa au kuolewa haraka sana ili kumkomoa mwanmke/ mwanaume matokeo yake usumbufu wa kuombwa msamaha na mwenza wa zamani huvunja mahusiano mazuri 

f.Kuendelea kufanya naye mawasiliano,kulipa kisasi, kujilaumu, kujitenga,kumchukia mwenza wako wa zamani,kutaka kurejesha mahusiano haraka.

UFUMBUZI WAKE

Kaa kimya muache huru usimuulize chochote, epuka kumsema vibaya, kumchafua mwenza wako wa zamani,kaa kimya bila mawasiliano yoyote kwa siku 30 mpaka 90 hayo màumivu yataondoka .

Epuka kutaka faraja yake au huruma yake,epuka kutaka aonekane mkosaji sana,epuka kutaka ajute,epuka kumpa vitisho kuwa maisha yake yatakuwa magumu bila wewe.

Kwa maelezo zaidi na ufafanuzi wa kilichoandikwa hapo juu unaweza kuwasiliana moja kwa moja na mwandishi. 

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4 KEY ANGLES THAT RUMORS DESTROY IN A RELATIONSHIP

 Rumors fly faster than jet. It is information that can’t be trusted. Such allegation gives room for doubts in a relationship. It invites insecurity. Paying too much attention to outsiders contributes to the fall of the relationship. Trust should be the foundation on which you build a good relationship with your partner. 

Without trust the relationship is only an empty cargo, vulnerable to rumors, spies and backbiters. Build a great relationship immune to rumors and other opposing forces trying to bring it down.

Take a look at four (4) things rumors destroy in relationships;

1) Trust: A relationship without trust is an empty cargo. Trust is very essential for a healthy relationship with your partner. It is the foundation on which reliable relationships are built. As time goes on, you should learn to trust your partner. 

Trust is earned when your actions are in sync with your words. Give your partner reasons to trust you by being trustworthy. It builds respect. When you partner truly trusts you, they won’t let rumors and false claims taint their trust in you. Without trust rumors will destroy the relationship.

2) Respect: A relationship without respect for your partner is a vulnerable one. Respect is earned. When you don’t respect your partner, you could easily believe what outsider tell you about what is going on in your home. Making outside opinions valid, instead of peacefully talking to your partner about it shows you lack respect for them. Laying false accusations on your partner makes them disrespect you. 

They get disappointed by the way you could easily be deluded. Respect is reciprocal. Respect your partner enough to believe in them. It builds their respect for you. It fortifies the relationship against unverified claims.

3) Love: Love brings everything back to life. Love is the essence of our existence. We were created to love and be loved. When you truly love your partner, you won’t let anything sabotage your relationship with them. You should be the shield against all fiery darts trying to penetrate the relationship. Love is pure and genuine. 

A relationship without love won’t last. Eventually rumors, spies, haters and backbiters will find a way to bring it down. People will always talk; when things are going great with you and also when things are rough. Be selective with what you choose to pay attention to.

4) Peace: A relationship with lots of arguments and accusation is not a peaceful one. The peace of your relationship is threatened when you are plagued with false beliefs. When there is no peace in a relationship it causes one to act irrational; especially in their thinking. A relationship with incessant fights and arguments is a toxic relationship.

 Understand that no relationship is perfect. Don’t condemn your partner without hearing their side of the story. Listen to understand them rather than judge and condemn. Don’t let outside opinions threaten the peace of your relationship.

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YATAMBUE MAMBO YANAYOFANYA MAISHA YAKO YA KILA SIKU KUWA MAGUMU

Kuna msemo aliwahi kuusema OScar Wilde na katika lugha yake unasomeka hivi; nanukuu,

Life is not complex. We are complex. Life is simple,and the simple thing is the right thing.

mwisho wa kunukuu.

Kwa lugha yetu Waswahili msemo huu unatafsiriwa kama ifuatavyo;

 

Maisha hayana utata. Sisi ndio watata. Maisha ni rahisi,

na mambo rahisi ndio yaliyo sahihi.

 

Kwa watu wenye umri mkubwa tunafikiri kwamba,  tulipokuwa wadogo maisha yalikuwa rahisi, si ndiyo?

Na sasa  tunaona mambo yamebadilika na kuna ugumu umeingia katika maisha yetu ya kila siku.Naomba nikwambie kwamba, maisha bado yapo rahisi vile vile kama tulivyokuwa tunayaona utotoni na kila siku yataendelea kuwa hivyo milele.

Tofauti iliyopo ni kuwa tumeongezeka umri na hata maumbo yetu yamebadilika, na jinsi unavyoongezeka umri ndivyo tunavyozidi kuyafanya yawe magumu.

 

Tulipokuwa wadogo kila kitu tulikangalia katika mtazamo wa matumaini. Tulikuwa tunajua tunachohitaji na hatukuwaza tofauti juu ya mahitaji yetu kama tunaweza kukosa kitu tunachohitaji.

Tuliwapenda watu waliokuwa wanatuonyesha tabasamu. Tuliwakimbia waliotuonyesha nyuso za kisirani. Tulikuwa tunakula pale tunaposikia njaa, na kunywa pale tuliposikia kiu na kulala tulipojisikia kuchoka.

 

Sasa tunavyozidi kuishi sana mawazo na akili zetu zinatawaliwa na hisia hasi juu ya mahitaji yetu katika maisha kutoka katika nguvu za nje.

Kwa namna moja ama nyingine tunaanza kusita na kuhoji nafsi zetu juu ya mahitaji yetu.Pale kikwazo kipya au maumivu yanapotufika tunaanguka na kukata tamaa.

Jambo hili linatutokea mara kwa mara katika maisha yetu, na mara kadhaa tumeshajiapiza kuwa hatutaki kuanguka tena kama ilivyotokea mwanzo bila kutafuta ufumbuzi wa jambo lililosababisha kuanguka tunaishia kukwepa tatizo.

 

Badala yake tunatumia vitu kama chakula na pombe kutibu majeraha yetu na kujaza mapengo ya furaha zetu.Wengi wetu tunafanya kazi masaa mengi mpaka usiku wa manane, tukikimbia utatuzi wa tatizo lililotokea katika familia zetu iwe na mke au watoto.

Tunatunza hasira na visasi mioyoni mwetu, tunafanya utapeli na udanganyifu kwetu wenyewe na kwa wenzetu ili tu tusonge mbele.

Na pale mbinu zinaposhindwa kufanya kazi, tunaanza kuishi juu ya uwezo wetu, tunatumia uongo kuficha uongo, na kula na kunywa zaidi ili tu tuyafanye maisha yetu yawe na nafuu.

Katika mfumo huu wa maisha tu nazidi kuyafanya maisha yetu yawe magumu zaidi na zaidi na tunaanza kupoteza muunganiko wa nafsi zetu halisi na mahitaji yetu halisi katika maisha tunayoishi.

 

Kama kwa utangulizi huu umeshaanza kukuna kichwa na kujiuliza kama na wewe upo humo, hapa nakuletea mambo ambayo ukianza au kuendeleza kuyafanya yatafanya maisha yako kuwa magumu bila sababu za msingi:

 

1. UNAANGALIA WATU WENGINE KUKUPA MAJIBU YA MASWALI AMBAYO UNGEJIJIBU MWENYEWE.

 

Wakati tulipokuwa wadogo, uwezo wetu wa kujiamulia mambo yetu ulikuwa mdogo na wakubwa zetu walibeba hilo jukumu la kutuamulia kipi cha kufikiri,kipi ni chema na nini maana ya kufanikiwa.

Sasa ushakua, hupaswi kuendelea kuishi utegemezi wa fikra  tena katika maisha yako.

Kuwa huru jivue gamba la utegemezi ili uanze kutumia ubongo wako katika kutoa majibu ya maswali yanayokukabili kila siku katika maisha yako.Anza  kutegemea fikra zako, isikilize nafsi yako, vunja kichuguu cha utegemezi nje ya mlango wako. Mpaka sasa unajua jambo gani ni sahihi katika maisha yako.

Usiache wengine wakuamulie nini cha kuchagua kwani mwisho wa siku wewe ndio mwathirika mkuu wa maamuzi yako.Pale utakapoacha kuishi kwa kadri ya maelekezo ya watu wengine na ukaanza kuishi kwa kadri ya majibu yanayotoka kichwani mwako utapata kile kitu unachohitaji katika maisha yako.

 

2. UNARUHUSU WATU WENGINE WAKUFANYE UJIONE UNA HATIA KWA NAMNA UNAVYOISHI.

 

Ili mradi haumuumizi mtu kwa mambo unayofanya endelea kuishi kadri upendavyo na katika njia unazoona zinakupa furaha wewe mwenyewe.

Muda mwengine tunapoteza mwelekeo pale tu tunapojaribu kuishi kwa kadri ya mtazamo wa watu wengine, kujaribu kuishi matarajio yao na mambo yanayowafurahisha wao kwetu.

Chukua muda na anza kutafakari juu ya mfumo huo wa maisha. Je, unafanya mambo unayoyaamini au sababu tu uwafurahishe wengine?

Anza kukumbuka matarajio yako mwenyewe ni yapi.Kuna maneno matatu yanayopendwa kutumiwa kurahisisha tafsiri ya maisha: ISHI, FANYA na PENDA ili uwe na furaha katika maisha yako sababu uhusiano waweza kufa muda wowote ila utaendelea kuishi na nafsi yako mpaka pale maisha yako yatakapoishia.

 

3.UNARUHUSU WATU WABAYA WAHARIBU MAZURI YAKO.

 

Hata siku moja usijikie hatia kuwaondoa watu wanaokurudisha nyuma katika maisha yako. Haijalishi huyo mtu ni ndugu, mpenzi, mfanyakazi mwenzako, mwanafunzi mwenzako, rafiki wa tangu utotoni au rafiki mpya.

Hutakiwi kuweka chumba kwa ajili ya watu wanaokuletea maumivu katika maisha yako au wanaokufanya ujisikie mnyonge na mdogo.

Labda kama watabadilisha namna yao wanavyoishi na wewe ila kama haonyeshi kujali hisia zako na anaendelea kuvuka mipaka katika maisha yako na kuendelea kukuumiza,fungua mlango watoke nje hupaswi kuendelea kuwalea.

 

4. UNATAKA KUSHINDANA NA KILA MTU.

 

Ukitaka kushindana na kila mtu utakuwa mchungu kwa watu wanaokuzunguka. Kwani utaanza kujitengenezea mazingira ya kutojifunza vitu vipya na hata kurekebishwa pale panapohitaji marekebisho.

Mtu anayetaka kuwa bora hashindani na wengine ili awe bora bali anashindana kumzidi yeye wa jana ili yeye wa leo awe bora  kuliko wa jana. Na niamini mimi utakuwa bora kuliko unavyodhani.

 

5.UNANG'ANG'ANIA KUISHI NA MAKOSA YALIYOPITA.

 

Ni jambo zuri sana unapojisamehe mwenyewe kutokana na makosa uliyowahi kuyafanya siku za nyuma katika maisha yako.Unapaswa uanze kuyatumia makosa yaliyopita kama funzo na ulitumie hilo kusonga mbele katika maisha yako.

Anza kutengeneza mutaskabali wako leo usiache historia ya nyuma iendelee kukutafsiri wakati majira yamebadilika.Muda mwengine malipo mazuri yanayotoka katika kujituma sio kile unachopata kwa muda huo bali kile kipya ulichojifunza ndio faida zaidi.

Usijidanganye kuwa maisha ya furaha ni yale yasiyo na shida, si kweli hata kidogo bali maisha ya furaha ni kuona unavishinda vikwazo kila vinapojitokeza na kusonga mbele.

KdMula anasema " MAISHA NI JINSI TUNAVYOYATAFSIRI SISI WENYEWE,IKIWA TUTAAMUA KUBADILI MTAZAMO WA NAMNA TUNAVYOYACHUKULIAAU JINSI WATU WANAVYOTAKA TUYACHUKULIE.

TUNAWEZA KUYAFIKIA MALENGO YETU"

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SPIKA ZUNGU: TANZANIA IPO TAYARI KUCHANGIA UZOEFU HUDUMA ZA MAMA NA MTOTO

 

Na Ripota wa TBN, Arusha.

Sika wa Bunge la Jamhuri ya Muungano wa Tanzania, Mhe. Mussa Azzan Zungu amesema Tanzania ipo tayari kuchangia uzoefu wake katika kuimarisha upatikanaji wa huduma za mama na mtoto mchanga, afya ya uzazi, lishe na ustawi wa vijana.

Mheshimiwa Zungu ameeleza hayo Oktoba 8, 2026, wakati akitoa hotuba ya ufunguzi katika mdahalo kuhusu masuala ya afya ya mama na mtoto uliondaliwa na Serikali ya Tanzania wa wajumbe wa Mkutano wa 153 Umoja wa Mabunge Duniani. 

Mkutano huo unaoendelea katika Ukumbi wa Mikutano wa Kimataifa wa Arusha (AICC).

Mheshimiwa Spika amesema afya na ustawi wa wanawake, watoto na vijana ni msingi wa maendeleo ya Taifa na kwamba Tanzania inatarajia kuchangia uzoefu wake na kufanya kazi na washirika kugeuza dhamira ya kisiasa kuwa matokeo ya kudumu.

“Kila kifo kinachozuilika, kila hitaji la kiafya lisilotimizwa na kila kikwazo cha kupata huduma,kinahitaji umakini na hatua endelevu za kisiasa.

“Ndio maana Rais wangu Mhe. Rais Hassan ameweka kipaumbele cha kupunguza vifo vya wajawazito, kupunguza vifo vya watoto na idadi ya watoto wasiochanjwa hadi sifuri, si tu nchini Tanzania bali pia kuchochea hatua hizi kote barani Afrika kupitia wadhifa wake kama Kinara wa Afya ya Mama na Mtoto Barani Afrika,” amesema.

Amesema Bunge lina jukumu la kuendeleza sheria, kuhakikisha fedha za kutosha  zinatengwa na kusimamia utekelezaji kuhakikisha rasilimali zinafika kwenye huduma za mstari wa mbele na kwa jamii.

“Kipaumbele chetu kiwe kwenye upatikanaji sawa wa huduma, ikiwemo huduma za mama na mtoto mchanga, afya ya uzazi, lishe, na afya na ustawi wa vijana.

“Kupitia Mtandao huu, tunaweza kujifunza kutoka kwa kila mmoja, kuimarisha uwajibikaji wa kibunge na kuendeleza hatua za vitendo katika nchi zetu. 

Kwa upande wake Mshauri wa Rais anayeshughulikia masuala ya afya, ustawi wa jamii, wanawake na watoto, Ummy Mwalimu aliyemuwakilisha Rais Mhe. Dkt. Samia Suluhu Hassan, alisema Afrika imepiga hatua katika kupunguza vifo vya kina mama japo bado haijatosha.

Amesema vifo vya kina mama katika nchi wanachama wa Umoja wa Afrika vilipungua kwa asilimia 42 kati ya mwaka 2000 na 2023, lakini Afrika bado inachangia takribani asilimia 70 ya vifo vya kina mama duniani.

“Kwa kasi iliyopo sasa Afrika haitaweza kufikia lengo la Maendeleo Endelevu la kuwa na vifo vya kina mama 70 kwa kila vizazi hai 100,000 hadi karibu mwaka 2050,” amesema Mwalimu.

Mwenyekiti wa Kundi la Kijiografia la Afrika la IPU, Mhe. Ali Kolotou Tchaïmi amesema Wabunge wana wajibu wa kuhakikisha ahadi za afya zinawafikia wananchi wa kawaida.

Amesema watunga sheria wana jukumu la kutunga sheria, kuidhinisha bajeti na kusimamia serikali, hususan katika kulinda makundi yaliyo katika mazingira hatarishi.

Akitoa mchango wake katika mkutano huo, Spika wa Bunge la Afrika Kusini, Angela Thokozile Didiza, ametoa wito wa kuimarishwa kwa uongozi wa kisiasa, akibainisha kuwa vifo vya kina mama na chanjo za watoto bado ni changamoto kubwa za afya ya umma.

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Kuna watu ambao wanapata mafanikio makubwa kwa kutumia uchawi. Ila mafanikio yale hayaletwi na uchawi bali imani ya mtu husika.

Tutajadili kwa nini waganga wanaweza kuwapatia watu wengine dawa au mbinu za kuwa matajiri wakati wao ni masikini. Na pia tutaangalia jinsi ambavyo unaweza kutumia mbinu hizi wanazotumia waganga bila ya wewe kuwa mchawi na ukafikia mafanikio makubwa.

Kila mmoja wetu anaelewa kwamba kuna watu wanakwenda kwa waganga na wanasaidiwa kupata utajiri. Japokuwa utajiri huu haudumu, lakini angalau wanaupata kwa kiwango fulani.

 

 Wakati waganga hawa wanawasaidia watu kuweza kujenga magorofa, wao bado wanakaa kwenye vibanda vya nyasi.

Sasa kwa nini wao wasingetumia uchawi wao na kuwa matajiri zaidi ya hao wateja wao? Ina maana wao hawapendi utajiri huo?

Mbinu za waganga kuwasaidia watu kupata utajiri.

Watu wanaokwenda kwa waganga ili kupata utajiri au mafanikio yoyote hupewa masharti ambayo ni magumu kwa kiasi fulani. 

Na watu hawa huambiwa wakivunja masharti hayo tu utajiri wao unaisha mara moja. Ni masharti haya ambayo humjengea mtu nidhamu kubwa sana na kumfanya aweze kufanya kazi kwa juhudi kubwa kuliko wengine ambao wanafanya anachofanya. 

Kwa mfano mganga anamwambia mtu kila siku aamke asubuhi na mapema sana na apasue nazi barabarani ndio aende kwenye biashara zake. 

Kupasua nazi hakuna uhusiano wowote na mafanikio yake ila kuamka asubuhi na mapema kila siku ina msaada mkubwa kwenye mafanikio yake.

Hivyo mtu huyu atafuata masharti haya kila siku na hata kama kuna siku hajisikii itambidi afanye tu kwa sababu ameshaaminishwa akiacha atafilisika.

Sasa wewe ambaye huna sharti la aina hii siku ukiwa hujisikii vizuri unalala, siku nyingine unachelewa na hivyo kushindwa kufikia mafanikio makubwa. 

Masharti mengine kama kutokufanya starehe, kutokunywa pombe, kuvaa nguo moja na mengine mengi yanapelekea mtu kupunguza matumizi na kupata muda mwingi wa kufikiria kazi au biashara yake.

Masharti mengine yanayotolewa na waganga ni kumfanya mtu aweze kuondoka kwenye woga wake(comfort zone). Kila mmoja wetu kuna vitu fulani anaogopa kufanya, lakini vitu hivi ndio vinaweza kumletea mafanikio.

 Ili kukuondolea woga huu mganga anamfanya mtu afanye jambo kubwa sana ambalo litamuondolea woga kabisa.

 Kwa mfano mtu anaambiwa aue, kwa kuona kwamba ameweza kuua mtu, inamfanya mtu asizuiwe na kitu chochote.

Kikubwa ambacho mganga anamsaidia mtu ni kumjengea utaratibu ambao lazima kila siku ataufuata na pia kumjengea nidhamu binafsi na hivyo kuweza kufanya jambo hata kama hajisikii kufanya. Na hili ndio hitaji kubwa la kuweza kufikia mafanikio.

Kwa nini waganga hawawezi kutumia mbinu hii wenyewe.?

Kwa sababu wanajua inavyofanya kazi na pia hawana mtu wa kuwajengea imani hiyo kubwa kwao wenyewe.

Kwa nini watu baadaye hufilisika?

Wengi hufilisika baadae kwa sababu wanapopata mafanikio wanasahau kutumia yale masharti waliyopewa na pia imani yao inakuwa imewekwa kwenye vitu fulani(mfano hirizi) badala ya kuwa kwao wenyewe.

Ufanyeje ili uweze kutumia mbinu hii kufikia mafanikio.

Cha kwanza kabisa lazima ujijengee nidhamu binafsi. Jiwekee masharti yako ambayo utayafuata kila siku na hakikisha unayafuata.

Kwa mfano weka utaratibu kwamba kila siku utakuwa unaamka saa kumi asubuhi, kuipanga siku yako na kisha kujisomea kidogo. 

Baada ya hapo unawahi kwenye eneo lako la kazi au biashara na kuanza kazi zako mapema. Pia unaweza kujiwekea utaratibu kwamba kila mteja au mtu yeyote unayekutana naye kwenye siku husika atajisikia vizuri kukutana na wewe.

Fuata masharti haya kila siku na utaona mabadiliko makubwa kwenye maisha yako na shughuli zako.

Kwa hiyo mpaka sasa una mbinu mbili za uhakika za kufikia mafanikio;

1. Una uwezo mkubwa uko ndani yako, ila unatakiwa kuwa na imani kubwa sana kwamba unaweza kupata kile unachotaka.

2. Lazima uwe na nidhamu binafsi, uwe na masharti(rituals) na uwe na utaratibu wa kufanya kila siku (routine). Vitu hivi jiwekee mwenyewe na vifuate kila siku kwenye maisha yako.

Ukiweza kufanya mambo hayo mawili ni lazima utafikia mafanikio makubwa.

Nakutakia kila la kheri katika kufikia mafanikio. Kumbuka unaweza kufanikiwa kwa kiwango kikubwa sana bila ya kutumia uchawi au kwenda kwa mganga.Uchawi kamili upo kwenye kichwa chako. Anza kuutumia sasa.

credit- Makirita Amani-(Amka mtanzania)

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